i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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