Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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