did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
