You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize
