I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
