That's when you crack a 10am beer
if only i could text you this smell
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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