I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
