Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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