you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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