Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
