im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
