he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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