I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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