there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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