Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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