we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
