I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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