I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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