Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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