The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
