Christians are straight up FREAKS
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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