he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize