I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
