my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
