my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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