Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
