adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
