i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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