nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want nice things and good sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
