im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
