thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
