So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
