Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
