Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
