Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
