This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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