I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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