Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
