HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
