This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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