tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
