Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's get the cat blown out
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize