the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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