I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
