Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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