I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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