I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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