either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My bed smells like the plague
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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