i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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