I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
