you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
