look no pants
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
