It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
