new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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