Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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