...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
