Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
