Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am midnight drunk by noon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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