dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
