i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
