Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
