Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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