Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
