I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
