What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
