good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
