your parents love me but you hate me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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