his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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