I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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