Just fell off a train. Bad.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
