Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
