I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
