He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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