STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
