somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
