Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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