you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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