You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
