you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
