everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize