Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
