We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize