Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
