Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize