I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
