I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
