and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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