Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
