I faked an abortion last night.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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