Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
