If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
FUCK WHALES
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