Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
