Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
how does that bad decision feel?
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