You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
