she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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