You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
