I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
