Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize