I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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