Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
