She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
