3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
