It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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