I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
