I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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