Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
