I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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