He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
