I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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