I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
