You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
