first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
